


it’s you / h.hj

by doraehan



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 00:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14461239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doraehan/pseuds/doraehan
Summary: ー absence makes the heart grow fonder.





	it’s you / h.hj

**Author's Note:**

> i am SO BAD at descriptions blease forgive me oof! this is a repost from my tumblr, which is @/doraehan [same as here] and i wrote this for hyunjin appreciation day, which was on the 18th of april. i hope you like this one :D

> **FOUR YEARS AGO, 1930HRS, TUES.**

‘ah, shit,’ you curse under your breath, abruptly sitting down in the middle of the routine you were practicing with your group. you meet your trainer’s sharp glare with the cutest puppy eyes you can muster, gesturing towards your stomach which was, unfortunately, cramping up and hurting like hell. _kudos to me for drinking a whole gallon of water before practice_ , you think. 

your trainer looks like he’s going to chew you out (would be the third time that week alone) but then the heavy door creaks open, a head poking in. 

the first thing you register, are his beautiful, full lips. it looks like he has jet black hair, but you think it looks a really nice dark brown in the light. his eyes widen slightly once he registers everyone looking at him, and he awkwardly slips into the room. 

his figure is scrawny: noodle like arms, bony shoulders, skinny legs, the whole _i can’t wait for puberty i hope i look better then because my mom said i would_ package. 

he introduces himself as hwang hyunjin. 

your trainer beams at him, and explains to the rest of the class that hwang hyunjin is his star student’s younger brother. you gape at hyunjin in awe when you’re told that his sister is hwang somin. he shies away at that, more interested in the laces of his shoes. he looks like a flower shriveling up in the heat of the sun. a pretty flower. 

he picks the very back of the group to position himself in. 

you watch his clean movements in the mirror in front of you, and wonder why he enrolled at the tiny, irrelevant dance school when he could’ve easily been accepted into some place bigger. 

the hour passes and hyunjin, you notice, keeps to himself. during the short breaks, he makes no effort to mingle with the others. he stays to the side, sipping on some water, eyes curiously watching as you feebly map out some moves to the music in your earphones, observing yourself in the mirror. you smile at him and he looks away. 

after class ends, you see him walking right in front of you, headphones in. you smile at how he keeps changing his pace, probably to match the beat in his ears. it’s endearing. you plug your earphones in and walk faster to catch up with him. 

if he notices you walking beside him, he doesn’t say or do anything significant to show that he does. all he does is slow his pace down for your comparatively shorter legs to keep up with his longer strides. 

the two of you say nothing, even when he trips on a pebble and you steady him by his arm. the two of you say nothing even when he stops you from getting hit in the face by a branch. the two of you say nothing, even when he walks you all the way home, before turning back around to go back to his own home.

nothing. 

> **THREE YEARS AGO, 1420HRS, THURS.**

something.

that’s what hyunjin feels whenever he looks at you. 

something is what he feels whenever you burst out laughing at one of his dumb jokes, right after you roll your eyes at him and say that he needs to up his game. something is what he feels whenever you hold his hand, hug him, poke his cheek, touch him. 

something is what he feels when he sees you dance in the mirror, your shirt a bit too big on you. something is what he feels whenever someone brings you up. it’s what he feels whenever you say his name, whenever you’re sitting next to him during lunch and laughing with his friends. 

your nothings that day you walked together for the first time, in complete silence, have evolved into something for hwang hyunjin. rather significant somethings. 

for he loves it when the two of you walk home together after dance class, and he loves talking and laughing the whole way. he loves the way you whine and pout until he gives in and agrees to hang out with you for an hour more. he loves the way you drag him to the swings at the neighbourhood park every saturday after class simply to talk about your week - even though he was part of it. 

and he’s alright with how you’re too excited about what you’re saying to see how he looks at you with hearts in his eyes, like you are his entire universe. 

(because it is what you are) 

> **A YEAR AND A HALF AGO, 2050HRS, MON.**

but that’s not what you can be for him. 

all you do is take a step back and look down at your shoes, lips pursed, and the once hopeful boy in front of gets the message. he nods quietly before murmuring an apology and starts to walk away. 

“i’m sorry,” you call out, and you don’t know if he heard you at all, because he doesn’t say or do anything to prove otherwise. 

had you thought this was how events would play out, you’d have never insisted on going to the park with him. i need to sit down, you think, but avoid the swings right behind you. 

you shudder when your bare arms come in contact with the cold metal of the uncomfortable bench right under an oak tree. it’s slightly chilly because of the rain you’d had earlier that afternoon, which was why you dragged hyunjin to the park: to jump in all the puddles. 

it occurs to you that you’ve lost a friend. you’ve lost someone that meant so much to you, just because your stubborn heart never noticed his presence, his warmth, _him_. 

you wish you’d never stepped back. you wish you’d taken a step closer and kissed him like he wanted it to happen, even if you didn’t like him in that way. at least then, you’d still have him, and you’re willing to lie to him if it means you’d never have to drift apart from him. 

you know you’re selfish. 

for a few minutes, you sit. you just sit there on the cold, damp bench, thinking. you think about him while the crickets chirp in the background, praying that thinking of him would make you fall in love. 

(it did a long time ago, but you’re too oblivious to notice) 

> **A YEAR AGO, 1038HRS, FRI.**

he notices.

he notices the hurt in your eyes when you hear that he’s been accepted into jyp entertainment. hurt because, why didn’t he tell you? why were you the last to know? 

why wouldn’t he be around anymore? 

he notices you looking at him all day at school, trying to talk to him. he escapes before you have a chance to, bringing up lame excuses just to get out of talking to you. he sees his friend, jaemin, look at you with pity and give you a cupcake to cheer you up. 

hyunjin has never hated himself more. 

he hates himself for telling you he was in love with you, and then literally abandoning you after you said no. what kind of best friend was he, if he couldn’t handle a small rejection and just go back to being the friend you could always count on? 

while clearing out his locker at the end of the school day, he finds a note and some candy. he reads the date on the top left of the a5 sheet of paper, marked for today. 

_dearest hyunjin,_ it reads. 

_i know we haven’t been talking. i know we’ve drifted apart and i wish i could do something to fix that and be there for you. i wanted to be the first one you called when you got into jyp. i wanted to be the first to hug you and congratulate you when you told me the news. i wanted to be the one person you can always count on._

_but i made some stupid decisions which led to this, and i’m sorry for hurting you that night. you’re still a really, really dear friend to me. i know you won’t be reaching for my contact on your phone any time soon, but know that i’m always here to talk to. i don’t expect you to call me or whatever, it’s okay if you don’t want to._

_all the best for your future! i bet you’re going to debut real soon and be known all over the world for your impeccable skills! love, [y/n]._

a tear streaks down his cheek. 

(they don’t stop) 

> **THREE MONTHS AGO, 2100HRS, TUES.**

your heart stops.

every appendage of your body has been crossed for a whole hour, and you sigh in relief when the announcement is made. your fingers and toes uncross and the biggest smile stretches across your face to see the nine ecstatic boys on your screen. 

but then your heart pangs at the close-up of his face. 

you miss him. 

you miss dancing with him. you miss going to the park with him every saturday. you miss jumping in puddles with him. you miss passing notes to him in class. you miss your fake study sessions where all the two of you would do is gossip and joke around. you miss watching the walking dead with him, your hands clutching the fabric of his shirt tightly and his hand absent-mindedly stroking your hair every time you were scared. you miss how he would put his cold hands in your warm ones during the winters. 

you miss hwang hyunjin. 

you guess you’d always been taking him, his presence, for granted. you’d never imagined drifting apart from him, but it’s what happened. you’d never thought you’d have to be watching him through a screen, not in person, all because he probably hates you now. 

_he wouldn’t want me near him on the happiest day of his life._

you wish you never would have walked next to him that night four years ago. you wish you never saw his face because, if you hadn’t, it would spare you the pain. 

the pain that resurfaces everytime you go to the park. the pain that makes its presence felt whenever you see someone on the swing set. the pain you feel everytime you think of him, hear of him, remember him. 

you wonder if he’s hurting too? because if he is, you want to tell him you’re not worth it. you want to tell him that no, he shouldn’t be in pain because of your own stupid, oblivious heart. 

but then you get a reality check: 

_he probably doesn’t even remember me._

(little do you know) 

> **A MONTH AGO, 0057HRS, WED.**

hyunjin knows little about birthday surprises. he’s never gotten one, neither has he given one.

no, scratch that. he just gave his band member the biggest birthday surprise ever.

the biggest, most unpleasant birthday surprise ever.

**_stray kids’ hwang hyunjin’s violent past!_ **

he’s locked himself in his room, but he can hear chan and woojin worriedly discussing the matter. he saw how the others looked at him when he ran off to his room, trying his best not to cry in front of the others. 

it makes him feel pathetic. it makes him feel like absolute scum for bringing negative attention to the group just two weeks after their debut. 

the iphone on his bed vibrates every two minutes with a call: all of which he ignores until. 

until he hears the familiar tune of dance dance. 

your favourite day6 song which you made him set as your ringtone. 

he lets the phone ring once. twice. thrice. three times more, until he picks up on the seventh ring. 

“yes?” 

hyunjin is glad his voice doesn’t break. 

“hyunjin? it’s me, [y/n].” 

_i know._

“hey.” 

“you’re not alright. i don’t know why i was going to ask, but you’re not, are you.” 

he feels his heart pang. 

“i mean…” 

“hey.” 

hyunjin hums. 

“hyunjin, please don’t worry about what’s happening. i see your fandom all over social media defending you. all of us at school have your back, yeah? you’re the kindest, most lovely person i know, and i know for sure is that whatever is being said is completely false.” 

he’s tearing up. 

“thank you. thank you, [y/n].” 

a moment of silence. 

“well, it’s late now, so i’ll let you sleep. and tell woojin i wish him a happy birthday.” 

_i don’t want to sleep_ , is what he wants to say. 

_alright_ , is what he says. 

“sleep well, hyunjin. i’m here for you, always.” 

“goodnight, [y/n].” 

you hum, and he remembers how you never hang up first. 

“i miss you, [y/n].” 

the line disconnects, and hyunjin is upset. but he expected it - you don’t miss him. 

he’s just about to get under the covers and go to sleep, until his phone buzzes with a text. 

it’s you. 

**[y/n] 1:03 am**  
_hyunjin i miss you too_  
_i miss you everyday_  
_at dance class, at school_  
_when i go to the park_  
_you’re in my head every second_

a tear streaks down his left cheek and drips onto his pillow. 

**hyunjin 1:03 am**  
_meet me tomorrow_  
_dunkin donuts near jyp_  
_i’ll be there at 10pm_  
_if you’re not there it’s ok_  
_see you there i guess_

(he hopes) 

> **THE NEXT DAY, A MONTH AGO, 2015HRS, MON.**

you’ve made him lose all hope.

that is, until you come in running into the café. 

he waves from where he’s sat, near the back, and you stride over with purpose. 

you tug him up from his seat and pull him into a bone-crushing hug. 

he chuckles and wraps his arms around your frame, right hand stroking your head like he always did. your eyes well up with tears that you blink back. you pull away. and then you punch his chest, only to have your own fist smarting. 

_how much does this boy work out?_

“hwang hyunjin, you absolute jerk,” you say, the grin on your face contradicting your words. he throws his head back and laughs, and you realise how much you actually missed him. 

you don’t ignore the way your insides are screaming with pure joy and happiness. you don’t ignore the way your skin tingles at the familiarity of his touch. you don’t ignore how your jaws already hurt from smiling this hard. 

both of you take a seat on opposite sides of the table. he starts off by apologising to you, and you can’t find it in yourself to hold a grudge with the way he’s looking at you with his pretty brown irises, his eyes crinkling when he smiles apologetically. 

you forgive him, before launching into a whole monologue about how great and talented he is.

“... and oh my god, you don’t even know about how my heart stopped for a second when i saw your teaser pictures for your debut album. speaking of which, your debut album had me crying on the damn floor. i got complaints from our neighbours every day for playing district 9 way too loud, i’ll have you know, but that was only until i introduced their daughter to stray kids. she immediately fell for your visuals and talents and i was like, that’s right, kid. that’s my best friend right there. also, the other day…” 

(you notice the hearts in his eyes) 

> **A DAY AGO, 2050HRS, SAT.**

he doesn’t notice the hearts in your eyes.

it’s been a while since he sat in the swing set the two of you had claimed, initials scratched under the swings: his was the red one, your’s was the yellow. 

the two of you are lightly swinging back at forth, not too high, while hyunjin talks about how his life as a trainee was, filling you in on all the small things you missed out on. and then it’s your turn to talk about your week. 

and it’s his turn to look at you like you are the most beautiful constellation in the night sky. 

you tell him about how you aced your physics test. he dabs at that and you wrinkle your nose at him. you tell him about how your friend slipped during lunch the other day and immediately said ‘i have mcfallen’. he giggles at that, which makes you giggle too. and then you tell him about how you’d gotten a confession letter in your locker yesterday. his face falls at that. 

you notice his silence and ask if he’s alright. 

“did you… did you respond to the, uh, confession?” 

you roll your eyes good naturedly, and lightly punch his shoulder. 

“of course i didn’t. i don’t like him, you fool.” 

hyunjin finally looks up at you. 

“who _do_ you like, then?” 

you look away from him, staring at the street in front of you. he can see the pink blush on your cheeks in the light from the street lamps, and it makes him smile.

“just someone.” 

your lower lip is between your teeth when you look at him again, and there is a twinkle in his eyes. 

“can the someone be me?” 

he’s hopeful. after a long time, he’s hopeful. 

you laugh, and then say in the softest voice ever: 

“let me sleep on it?” 

he holds your hand in his later that night, and you get the butterflies. 

(you didn’t really need to sleep on it) 

> **TODAY, 0318HRS, SUN.**

**[y/n] ♥︎ 3:18 am**  
_its you_

(hyunjin tries his best to squeal as quietly as possible)


End file.
